You Can't Turn Your Back on Your Past
by Jay-Mack97
Summary: 6 months ago, Ziva decided to stay in Israel, turning her back on everyone she loved and cared for. But she makes the decision to return to D.C, hoping that they will help her pick up the pieces.With a serial killer loose and an unknown bomber threatening the lives of those close to her, will she be able to overcome the ghosts of her past and find the strength to start again?
1. Just take these broken wings and learn t

**Chapter 1: ****Just take these broken wings and learn to fly again**

**Author's Note: **If you are reading this, I want to thank you. This is my first attempt at Tiva fanfiction and I am really excited about where this story is going and I hope you come along for the ride. Surprise surprise, I don't own any of these characters, but the ideas are mine. Enjoy

_She turned around to tell him to run fast, but the blast pushed her away from him. She stumbled to keep herself on her feet. The bomb had gone off earlier then they had predicted; they had run out of time. She whipped around again to get back to him, but the after blast had caught up to him, the flames from the building whirled around him until his body was consumed by the fire. His name ripped from her lips, and she proceeded to scream until her world went black…_

"Tony!" Ziva gasped as she shot out of bed, grasping around in the darkness to find her light switch. The yellow glow quickly illuminated her small bedroom, chasing away the shadows in her apartment. She let the light calm her racing heartbeat as she instinctively reached for her cellphone. She stopped herself as her fingers grasped the cold phone case.

"What am I doing?" she questioned herself, releasing her fingers. She wasn't allowed to call D.C. in the middle of the night after cutting herself from her team, just because she had a nightmare. That wasn't fair to anyone, especially Tony, as everyone was trying to move on. Phoning them would just throw that all away. She took a deep breath as she tried to fight the memories of D.C. that poured in and the worry that her dreams might not be dreams. She worried that one day she will be woke up by a phone call telling her he isn't there anymore.

She sat up in bed and pulled her duvet closer to her. Even though the Israeli night was warm, her own thoughts chilled her to the bone. She was lonely here and it was her own fault. She had made the decision to stay alone in Israel to try to heal. The Ziva David that came back was not the same one that left 8 years ago. She was so broken from her time spent in the USA and she had thought that staying here would make her feel whole again. Nevertheless, she was alone with no family and no one who loved her. She had left those people across the sea because she believed that leaving them was the right thing to do in order to keep them safe. No one who cared for her ever lasted long, and she couldn't bear the thought of losing them. She thought she could heal herself but it wasn't working. After being here for six months alone, Ziva felt no difference; she was still just as broken as before, perhaps even worse. She missed their company but most of all she missed Tony.

Just saying his name broke down her walls, she felt her throat seize with emotions and tears were already forming in her eyes. At first she had not wanted to admit that he had caught her attention; but it was inevitable, he would not stop bugging her. Somehow, along the way she had fallen head over heels in love with him. Somehow, he had too. However, there were always complications, especially with the type of job they had and the team. Soon, it had become too late.

Or so she thought. Yet, he had come after her and tried to convince her to come back with him. She can still hear what he said to her as if it was yesterday, "I'm still fighting for you Ziva." And at that moment in her life, she couldn't bear to disappoint him, to have him waste away his fight on someone who was broken. So she let him turn his back on her, and walk away. And even when she said that, her insides were screaming at her to tell him to come back and take her with him, to not leave her alone. But she was too afraid that he would leave when he knew the truth that she wasn't worth being fought for. And Ziva David knew she would never recover from that heartbreak.

If she was being honest with herself now, she would have rather gone with him and had her heart broken, than live in her own misery here. She sat up straighter as her next thought formed, she was done drowning in her misery. She was sick of this pity party and stubbornness that she was using to prevent herself from being around the people she loved. It was her own fault she was denying herself a chance at happiness, because she was afraid of it being taken away like before.

She arose out of her bed and went into her living room in search of her laptop. She was booking herself on the next flight to Washington. There was no going back now; she had to face what she had been hiding from in order to find what she is looking for her.

Her flight was leaving in a couple hours, but there was one last thing that she had to do. She had already packed up her apartment and her things sent to the US, but her last task was the hardest ... Saying goodbye to her father. She approached his gravestone, and the tight feeling had returned in her chest. She did not think this was going to be this hard but as she kneeled by tomb, tears sprang into her eyes, and began to fall freely. Ziva angrily brushed them away, she had promised herself she would stop crying hastily but it was not as easy as she had assumed.

"Abba, I'm leaving Israel again, but this time for good. I do not think I will be coming back here for a long time. I am not the Ziva that you sent to the USA, I'm much weaker now but I now know who will make me stronger: my team. I need them Abba. They are the only family I have left; the only ones who truly love me.

There is no one here anymore who can offer me that. I am sorry, I must leave you but I know you will always be looking over me. I hope to once again be the daughter that you were once proud of."

She rose from the grave and brushed off her knees, turning her back away from her past. There was one thing left to do, before she got on her flight. She dialled his phone number and held her breath until she heard him answer.


	2. I know my kingdom awaits and they've f

**Chapter 2:**** I know my kingdom awaits and they've forgiven my mistakes**

**A/N: **Thank you soo much for you kind reviews. The feedback from the first chapter was wonderful especially all the reviews, follows and favourite. I am sorry it took longer to post the second chapter, but it kind of got away from me and became longer than anticipated. I hope you enjoy it! :)

Leroy Jethro Gibbs was on his second cup of black coffee this morning. He sipped it as he observed his team: McGee was doing something with technology which wasn't surprising, Bishop was eating, which did not surprise him either and Dinozzo… he was actually working on what seemed to be paperwork.

It was quite, no one was talking between one another; the team rarely joked with each other anymore. Their recent case had taken a toll on each member; the serial killer had not killed in three weeks, which was surprising especially since the last run in with him, they had almost caught him. This spooked him and made him issue a threat: _This is far from over Gibbs, you and your team better watch your steps. You never know when things could go boom. _From that note on there was nothing, no bodies or a follow through on his threat, Gibbs could feel the team losing hope on catching him. With no new evidence on the case, and they had taken on every angle possible on the previous evidence, Gibbs hated to say it, but it was starting to look as though the case would become cold if there wasn't break soon.

His team did not need another unfortunate loss like this; it was all the team was experiencing since Ziva left. She was the elephant in the room that no one brought up, but everyone thought about it and her presence was still felt. He knew it was hard on everyone, but it had hit home for Tony. He had gone over there to bring her home, but he returned to US empty-handed. He was not the same when he returned without her, like he had left part of himself over there.

Gibbs understood exactly what he was going through; he had experienced the same heartache many times, especially with Shannon. Dinozzo had gotten better as of late, but Gibbs saw the sharp intake he took every time he mistakenly looked at her desk, forgetting that she was not there and Bishop was. Or when Gibbs would see Tony catching himself staring at her desk, wishing that she was there and he would shake his head and turn away. He knows that Tony was not the only one who does this, McGee and Abby both had struggled with it too, but Bishop had been a good fit and she had allowed them to move on.

Gibbs sipped his coffee; he even made the same mistake as Dinozzo. There were times when he would turn to tell Bishop something, but it was Ziva's name on his tongue. He missed her too, he had come to think of her as a daughter and it was hard to have her so far away. But it was her choice and he respected it completely, especially after their phone call. But that had been six months ago and he hadn't heard from her since and he knew for a fact the team had not heard from her either. Gibbs sometimes wondered if it would have been better if she had come back and stayed.

He pondered this, as he took another sip of coffee, wondering how the future would have been changed by this. But he didn't last long in his thought process; he was pulled out by the sound of his cell ringing. A jolt of anticipation ran through him, perhaps this was the break in the case that they had been looking for. He looked down at the caller I.D., he did not recognize it; the number was not from the Washington area.

He flipped it open "Yeah Gibbs." The voice on the other line shocked him, he had not heard this voice in six months and he had not expected to hear her voice again.

Ziva breathed into the phone, "Hello Gibbs, its Ziva." He took a breath and began to say her name, but she quickly cuts him off. "Don't say my name please; I don't want anyone else to know."

"Okay, why are you calling me, _now?_" Gibbs asked, heavily weighting his implications on the end of the sentence, trying to ask all the questions he couldn't ask at the time.

"Why now you mean? Why now after half a year of no contact? I have been on my own for half a year now, with no prevail with my goal. I just miss everything about D.C. and the people I left behind. I am coming home Gibbs… tonight actually. And, I was wondering if you would be willing to come pick me up at the airport?" Ziva quickly rambled off with uncertainty. After six months, maybe things had changed over there and he wouldn't come get her and she would be abandoned at the airport. She held her breath, waiting for Gibbs to respond.

Trying to contain his smile, Gibbs didn't hesitate with his answer "I will. What time do you land at?"

She let go of the breath she had been holding and a smile broke out onto her lips, and the warmth spread into her heart at the thought of being home. "I am getting in at 10:30pm on flight number 4576," she informed him, hoping that Gibbs may be able to hear her smile in her voice.

"Alright, I will be there shortly afterwards, okay?" he questioned her, trying not to give too much away.

"Perfect, I cannot wait to see you Gibbs and well… everyone. Could you refrain from telling the others, I want to walk in and surprise them," she gleefully said.

"Not a problem, I'll see you then," he responded before hanging up the phone. He did not want to give away too much to the team that was just meters away from him.

As he looked up, he found three sets of eyes staring at him intensely: McGee already had his gear slung over his shoulder, Dinozzo was patiently waiting for the toss of the car keys and Bishop was observing him like she knew what had happened on the phone, her brain was already thinking of crime scene possibilities.

"What?" he asked the team, eyeing each of them.

"You want us to gear up boss?" McGee asked, as Tony added "Is it a lead on the case? I'll drive boss, just toss me the keys."

"No, none of you are going anywhere. It's not case related, so you can all go back to doing what you were doing," Gibbs informs the team and the excitement fades from their eyes.

"Okay boss," McGee said defeated, as he slings his pack off his back and took a seat back at his desk, Bishop followed his lead, but Tony chose not to.

"So who was on the phone boss?" he questioned as he approached Gibb's desk.

"None of your concern Dinozzo," Gibbs told him, as Tony sat on top of his desk.

"Is it like a hot date or something boss? Wife number… OW" Tony exclaimed as Gibb's hand smacked the back of his head. McGee sniggered as Tony clamored off his desk, placing his hand on the back of his head, gently massaging the spot.

"Right, I'll get right back to work then," he commented as he sat back down at his own desk and Gibbs just smirked at him, as he settled down into his own paperwork, anticipating the arrival of one Ziva David.

Ziva took a deep breath as she stepped through security. She had made it past customs and was now waiting for her bags to arrive before going out into the greeting area. Needless to say she was full of nerves and jitters. She was so excited to be home where she would soon be surrounded by people who cared about her, but at the same time she was worried that things had changed too much and she wouldn't fit back into their lives. She tried to push that thought out of her head, she was adaptable and they were accepting so there should be no problems like that.

She eyed her bag being dropped off at the carousel entrance and patiently followed it around until it reached her location where she could retrieve it. She smoothly grabbed it off and placed it down beside her. Thank goodness she was a light packer, but then again almost all of her stuff was still coming, she had just brought what she needed until it arrived. She pulled the handle up and placed her carry-on bag on top of it. She sighed and looked toward the door leading to the greeting area; she took one last deep breath and began to roll her suitcase over there.

Coming through the doors, she scanned the crowds, using her "looking for unique details" sight that had been drilled into her since she was three. _"Always be looking Ziva, but do not look for what is simply obvious; look for what is trying to be hidden in the situation. That is what you want to see. Use your whole eyes, not just half of them."_ Her father had told her this almost daily and at first she had not realized what he meant. It would frustrate her to end when he would say_ "whole eye Ziva_," but as she grew older she had begun to understand what he had been teaching her, and ever since her eyes had been wide open.

Scanning the crowd she saw a wife with two kids patiently awaiting the arrival for their father, perhaps he was businessman, who was away on work duty. She saw a young man with bouquet of roses standing to the right of them; he was waiting for the love of his life and from what Ziva could see his pocket suggested that he is going to ask her to be his permanently. She sighed at this; she was sucker for happy endings.

She continued to scan her surroundings until she found the man she had been looking for: Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Her smile grew at the sight of him, he hadn't changed one bit. His silvery grey hair was combed in perfect place and he was wearing his famous casual grey jacket, which was Ziva's favourite on him. He had yet to see her, so she proceeded to walk toward him at a brisk pace. Recognition fell over Gibbs face when she came into his line of vision and a genuine smile appeared on his face. She smiled more at that as she called his name and broke into a run. As soon as Ziva was in arms distance, she dropped her luggage and ran into his arms, finally getting the hug that she had craving since she left.

"You have been missed Ziva," Gibbs informed her as they broke away and Ziva attempted to smile, but the weight of his words were heavy on her heart and she could feel herself becoming emotional. Her airway was tight and her eyes were prickled with tears forming and she tried to answer the question without completely falling apart.

"I … I know, I feel the same way," she whispered and held back a sob as the tears did leak from her eyes. She quickly wiped them away and placed a small smile on her face.

"Well it's good that you are home, now let's get your bag to the car and get out of here. I am sure you are tired from your flight," Gibbs commented as he grabbed her suitcase and began walking toward the exit.

"You could say that, it wasn't easy to sleep on the plane as there was a child who would not stop crying. Those parents have more tolerance then I do. I would have knocked it out or something," she joked, feeling completely at ease as they approached the exit to the airport.

"Oh I know what you mean, it's like getting Dinozzo to shut up about his movie rants," Gibbs laughed and Ziva politely followed suit, but the mention of his name caused her heart to freeze.

"So the team is good then?" she asked, "I mean they are still in one piece?"

"Yes they are all… well themselves; Abby is still … well she is still Abby, Tony is as annoying as ever, and McGee keeps trying to set me up with this new touchscreen phone, but as given up since I smashed the screen to bits after it stopped responding to my touch," Gibbs replied in good humor as he approached his car. It was parked in the no parking zone and yet there wasn't a ticket on it and it hadn't been towed.

"How did you mange that?" Ziva questioned, gesturing her hand to the parking place, and the sign that clearly stated that all unattended vehicles will be towed.

"There was a guy dressed in a bell hopper uniform, helping guests with their luggage. I asked him if he would watch the car for me and told him if anyone asked I was coming back from the bathroom and I gave a $20 to ensure it would happen. It's a hell of a lot closer than the actual parking lot," he explained popping the trunk, to put Ziva's suitcase and bag in the back of it. He then clicked his keys and proceeded to unlock the car.

Ziva opened the passenger door and slid right in. It was as if she never left everything was just as she remembered and the only thing that was missing was the boys in the back seat. She could practically hear their laughter in her head and she longed to hear it for real. The slamming of Gibbs' door pulled her out of her thoughts.

"So where are you going to be staying Ziva?" Gibbs questioned, playing with his keys before putting them into ignition.

"Oh well, I was just planning on staying at a hotel until I found a place of my own," she said hesitantly, she hadn't even thought that far ahead. She had barely planned the "getting off the plane" part of the plan.

Gibbs looked at her in shock, "That won't be happening; you can stay on my couch until you get on your feet." Now it was Ziva's turn to look shocked.

"Gibbs I… I couldn't possible ask that of you. I don't want to be a burden on you, especially since I just got back and didn't communicate with you for the last six months. It would … it would be too much," she stuttered trying to find the right words.

"Nonsense, you are staying with me. It is what family does for each other Ziva," Gibbs acknowledge as he went to turn the key.

Turning it to the proper position, the vehicle should have leaped to life, but instead there was just a loud click.

"Odd," Gibbs mumbled and as he went to try the key again, the engine roared to life before becoming a completely different sound. The boom echoed through the vicinity of the car, as the car exploded in half, ripping Ziva and Gibbs from it.

Ziva landed just meters away from the vehicle, her head slamming onto the pavement hard. Spots immediately clouded her vision, she tried to call out Gibbs' name but no sound could escape her throat. The last thing she saw was the flames engulfing the car causing, colours of reds and yellows before her eyes closed and her vision became black.


	3. Hanging by a Moment

**Chapter 3****: Hanging By a Moment **

**A/N: **_Once again I must thank you guys for the reviews and follows on this story! It delights me to know that you are enjoying reading my story. I am sorry this chapter took longer to write, but life got in the way, but here it is! _

Ziva's eyes opened, all she could see was white; a blinding white that was so overwhelming that she had to blink to see if she could make it go away. It didn't and confusion swept over her, nothing was making sense. She went to move her hand, to grasp at something to confirm she wasn't dreaming. She attempted to reach it out, but discovered her wrist wouldn't move, she tried the other hand. It was the same case, she attempted to move her head up so that she could figure out what was going on, but it appeared that her neck was confined and was not moving either.

Panic spread through her body like wildfire, and her Mossad training kicked in. She was trapped and she felt the need to escape and now. She began shaking so violently that the table itself vibrated alerting the others to her presence.

"She is awake!" a female voice called out, while another one said "her heart rate has elevated to irregular beats, and her blood pressure is rising."

"She needs to be sedated **now **before the blood causes the brain to swell more," a commanding voice said, as confusion spread over Ziva why was she here? She was fine she had just got home and Gibbs was… and then hit her: the explosion. Suddenly everything clicked int0 place, her body began to throb in every place imaginable and she tried to breath in, pain seared through her chest and no breath came out. Anxiety quickly set in, she wasn't breathing, how could she not be breathing? Suddenly loud beeping began, and she began to lose focus on what happening, her head was swimming. Suddenly a mask appeared on her face and something was released into her face, as someone grabbed her hand.

"Ziva you are going to be fine, everything is going to be fine," Gibbs reassured her, squeezing her hand. He was the last thing she heard, as the gas kicked in sending her into a world of darkness.

_Shaking her head, she opened her eyes to find herself lying in the green grass. A warm summer breeze blew through her, as she heard the sounds of woodland creatures playing in the distance. Ziva was confused how she had gotten to such a breathtaking place, not even D.C. looked this beautiful in the summer. She stretched and rose to her feet, feeling the need to explore her location. _

_It was a beautiful meadow with a lake to her left and as she turned around and there were mountains behind her. It looked as though it stretched down forever, she was literally in paradise. Looking closer at the lake, she realized there were people sitting down by the lake. Curious, Ziva decided to approach them, as she was under the assumption she was the only one here. _

_Wandering closer the faces became clearer; Mike Franks and Jenny Shepard appeared to be sharing a picnic together. Shaking her head, in order to make sure it wasn't an illusion, but sure enough they were there in the flesh._

_She approached them with caution, they were supposed to be dead, how could they possibly be here. They looked up when she came into their sights and smiles broke out onto their faces. She felt herself smile too, she had missed them._

"_Ziva we are so happy you are here," Jenny gushed as she stood up to pull her into a hug and Ziva felt tears spring in her eye. _

_Mike rose as well and pulled her into a hug as well, "we are so proud of you Ziva, though we did not expect to see you so soon. Probie should have been here first."_

_Ziva looked at him in confusion, "what do you mean?"_

"_Oh Ziva, don't worry about that now. Come sit and chat with us," Jenny said, sitting back down and patting the blanket beside her._

_Wanting answers and to spend time with her long lost friends, Ziva sat down but did not pick up anything. Something in her gut told her not to eat anything, something was wrong here, but she couldn't figure out what it was. _

"_Ziva, your life has been interesting to observe, especially last few months have been quite adventurous for you. I mean the whole…" Mikes started before being interrupted by Jenny. _

"_Franks quiet now, she hasn't experienced this yet. We can't give away the future, you know the rules," Jenny scolded him and questions began to spin in Ziva's head._

"_Where am I Jenny? Why am I here? You are both supposed to be dead, how is this possible?" She questioned, looking at both of them in the confusion, what did they know?_

"_Ziva you are in a part of heaven right now, and we are you greeters, here to test you to see if you will return to your body on earth or stay here with us," Jenny explained gently, as shocked washed over her body. _

_No she couldn't be in heaven, she was fine. She had just gotten back to D.C. and she was going to see her family and the man who had captured heart. She was going to become whole again, why the hell was she in heaven? Nothing was making sense, the last thing she could remember was getting into Gibbs' car. _

"_ . ?" she punctuated, clearly trying to stay calm as her hands formed fists, and she could feel herself beginning to panic, how could she have no memory of it. _

"_There was an explosion when Gibbs turned on the car at the airport. You were thrown from the vehicle and are currently in the hospital," Mikes explained simply, gaging her reaction._

_Ziva felt the memories hit her all at once, the sound of the boom echoed in her head as the memories of the flames engulfing the car danced in front of her eyes. She clutched her stomach, "I think I am going to be sick," she commented, turning away from them and proceeding to rid her stomach of all its contents. _

_Once she had settled herself down, she turned to look at them again. Mike handed her a drink and without even thinking about it, she took a sip._

"Her heart rate is dropping!" "Start performing CPR!" "Get a defibrillator in here stat!" Orders echoed around the E.R. room, as Ziva's heart rate became slower and slower.

"_Ziva, what were you thinking? Your body has started to die on the other side. You need to be strong to save it, you need to get yourself out of here," Jenny commanded as Ziva stood and scanned her surroundings. _

"_There is __**no **__way out," she panicked, continuing to search for something._

"_Of course there isn't going to be a way out in here, this is all in your head," Mike commented, gesturing around. _

"_You need to think of something that ties you to outside world and your body, it is the only way it will work," Jenny instructed and Ziva began to think. _

_She thought of her family, her life as a child, training in Mossad. She thought of the assignment that brought her state-side, the NCIS headquarters. Looking deeper into that she thought of her team: of Abby and Ducky, Palmer and McGee, Gibbs. Most of all she thought of Tony, of everything they had been through, the feelings they had for each other. Her world was spinning around; she didn't know where she was going. The last thing she saw before she left her oasis was Mike and Jenny waving to her. _

"We are still losing her, set it for another round." "Clear doctor." The shock ran through Ziva's body with no results. "Set it again."

Gibbs watch in horror as the heart rate continued to drop. He pushed past the door blocking his view to the room and entered the room.

"You are not supposed to be in here," an angry voice behind him shouted.

"I don't give a damn, she is family," Gibbs stated, ignoring the person behind as he walked towards her body. Alarms were still blaring as her heart rate was not stabilizing.

"Ziva you need to live, you hear me! You need to live for everyone but especially for yourself!" He whispered into her ear as another charge of electricity was shot through her body.

Tony Dinozzo was sitting on his couch, watching the sports highlights. He was in his slacks and hoodie, with a beer in one hand, the label was peeled off, a habit he still couldn't outgrow. He wasn't that big of a sports fan, but it was better than being asleep with the dreams that constantly haunted his sleep.

Ever since Ziva left, Tony got maybe four to five hours of sleep on a good night. He was constantly kept awake with haunting images of her: turning his back on her, her dying, her coming back to him, images that drove him to not want to sleep. He had even taken to staying up super late and falling asleep on the couch because somehow he slept better alone on the couch, then in his bed craving her to be cuddled next to him.

It was a typical Tuesday night in March, there were basketball highlights on, with the odd hockey game, but it wasn't anything new. He sighed and went to flip the channels, in search of something else. Suddenly his phone was ringing, making him jump, and scaring poor Kate and Ziva in their bowl. "Who the hell would be calling me at this ungodly hour?" he questioned, looking at the DVD player to see it read 12:20am before turning his attention to cellphone.

Looking at the Caller ID, he realized it was Gibbs and his heart lurched. If he was calling at this hour, it means there has to be a lead on the serial killer case, no other explanation for it.

"What's up boss? Why are you up at this ungodly hour?" he asked, answering the phone.

"Dinozzo listen carefully got it?" Gibbs snapped, getting straight to the point, he needed coffee now and this investigation needed to commence, before someone touched his crime scene and tampered with the evidence.

"Yeah Boss, you have my attention," Tony replied back, generally curious to the reasoning behind this call.

"My car was bombed tonight at the airport. I need you to wake the team, get Abby and McGee to have my car brought back to the yard as soon as possible. Bishop also needs to photographic the scene and look for any evidence that could link back to the serial killer, this has to be him coming through on his threat," Gibbs stated , vaguely leaving out details forcing Tony to ask the question.

"Why were you at the airport? And what do you want me to do? And where are you?" Tony quickly asked, wanting to piece the puzzle together.

"I was picking up Ziva from the airport and the bomb went off as soon as I started the car. I am currently at the hospital, waiting for you to come here and relieve my shift so I can get some god damn coffee into my system," he said exasperated, he want to go get the son bitch that blow up **his** car and hurt someone very close to him.

"Ziva boss? As in Ziva David? Are you sure that's right, she in Israel and has not been heard from," Tony said slowly, trying understand what Gibbs was saying. There was no way she was back in the country and hadn't told him. The thought nearly broke his heart.

"Yes Tony, that one. Is there any other Ziva David that we know?" He asked rhetorically before continuing, "So wake up the team and head over here. I don't want anything else to happen to her, especially if _he _isn't done with his threats yet."

"On it boss, see you in a few." Tony replied and hung up the phone. He didn't move, just stared at his fish bowl. She was back but she was in the hospital… and he wasn't even told. What if she didn't wake up? How could he live with that? No, he couldn't afford to think like that, but he needed to get to that hospital **now!**

Jumping off the couch he turned the TV off and threw his hoodie to the ground as he walked towards his bedroom. Dialing McGee's number, he reached into the closet and pulled out a dress shirt and pants.

"What Dinozzo? If this is a joke I will hang up now," a sleepy McGee answered the phone and Tony almost laughed at the response, he had never thought to prank call McGee at some ungodly hour, but restrained as Gibbs would kill him if he didn't have McGee at the crime scene.

"McSleepy this is real business. Boss' car has been blown up and Ziva is back in the county and currently in the hospital," he informed him, throwing on his dress pants and buttoning his shirt.

"Ziva… What? That's not possible, you and I both know that," McGee commented and Tony shook his head, he was in the same disbelief that he was experiencing at the thought of having her back.

"Would Gibbs lie to me? Now get up and wake the rest of the team. You need to head over to the crime scene at the airport and get it back to the yard ASAP! Got it?" he said hurriedly as he searched his apartment for his keys.

"On it, where are you going?" McGee asked, making Tony want to punch him, how daft could he be.

"You know where I am going Tim, I'll talk to you later," he said seriously as he hung up the phone and grabbed his keys and was gone out the door. He needed to see her.

Tony burst through a hospital door and almost ran into the nurse on the other side. He veered away from her, trying keep from spilling the two cups of coffee in his hand. He let out a quick apology, and tried to get his bearings. He scanned the area as he moved, looking for Gibbs' silvery head of hair.

After moving past a dozen of rooms, he finally found him standing outside. He looked like tornado survivor; his hair was blown in three different directions, while his nicely tailored suit was covered in dirt and ash, with rips throughout.

"You alright boss?" Tony asked generally concerned as he approached him.

"I'm fine Dinozzo, just shaken up is all. But I am in much better shape the Ziva," he commented as he took the coffee from his hand, and turned his back to Dinozzo and looked in the room behind him. Tony came to stand beside him and followed his eyes through the glass. A gasp almost escaped his mouth, but he held it in, as he finally laid eyes on her.

She was lying in the hospital bed as still as could be, and he would have almost considered her dead, if not for the heartbeat monitor beating at a constant pace. Her jet brown hair framed her face perfectly, and it appeared that there was nothing wrong expect for the Band-Aid that was placed over her right eyebrow. He swallowed trying to find his voice, "Is she…" he started before having to clear his throat and try again, "Is she going to be okay Gibbs?"

"She will be now, her heart had stopped in the ER though but somehow she came back. They have sedated her, in order to make sure that there is no swelling in the brain. The doctor said that they will bring her out of it in the morning and then she should be fine," he explained, his eyes never leaving her body.

The news settled the sick feeling in Tony's stomach but it did not make it completely go away. "That's good news boss. Will she stay?" he blatantly asked, wondering if she would just go anyway again.

"You will have to ask her that yourself. Now I am going to find out who hell blew up my car! I'll call you with further updates, but for now Ziva is your main priority," Gibbs instructed as he turned to make his way out of the hospital.

"On it boss," Tony confirmed as Gibbs walked away before he added "she has always been my main priority." He sighed and stared into the room, before thinking better of it he approached the door and let himself in, closing it behind him. He was not going to be standing outside for the whole night, not with her being so close.

He walked slowly to the bed, it was like a dream to him; he could remember the countless times he would wake up from nightmares of her being the hospital and dying on him. She looked so small and vulnerable, just like the last time he had seen her, except there was no way to know how much pain she was actually in as her eyes were closed. And those were her defining feature to Tony, no matter what the situation; he always knew how she was feeling by looking in her dark brown eyes. The truth would always be found in them.

He was just going to stand guard over her, not touch or disturb her for fear of waking her, but his self-control was weak and he reached out and grabbed her hand. It was icy cold in his, as if the life had been sucked out of it. He held it gently hoping that his heat would transfer to hers. He sat down beside her bed, and just listened to her heartbeat over the monitor while gentle tracing his fingers over her hand.

"Why did you come back Ziva?" he asked to the room, unable to keep the question off his tongue. He knew she wasn't going to respond, but for some reason it possessed him to take things furthers.

"I mean, why now? Why after all this time of no communication, of nothing? What made you come back here now? Why couldn't you have come back with me? Ziva I would have taken care of you, you know that. Why wouldn't you come back with someone who cared for you? Why alone? And why would you not tell anyone but Gibbs? We have missed you so much and there has been no way for us to fill the hole that you left.

With you back now, please don't leave of us again. We all need you around, but I need you especially. I've once again tried living without you and it's just not living." He finished his confession, feeling the freedom of the six months of supressed feelings. He knew he had more to say, but it wasn't the time now.

He relaxed into the chair, keeping his finger entwined with Ziva's. He felt himself become more relaxed in just her presence and his eyes finally began to give into the tiredness they had been fighting. He blinked once and then twice before losing the battle and falling into a peaceful slumber listening to her heartbeat.

Darkness was all around her, she fought her way through it, searching for the light at the end of tunnel. And all of sudden it was there, in front her, so bright that she had to shield her eyes for it was blinding. She closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them, everything different.

Blinking once she allowed for her surroundings to focus, Ziva appeared to be in a room. It was small and private; looking to the left there was a monitor and a window. Putting the pieces together, she realized she was in the hospital; she searched her memories looking for answers as she turned to her right.

Her heart jumped at the sight, there he was, in the flesh; sitting beside her, with his fingers entwined with hers, asleep with his classic smile on his face, completely at peace. She felt herself grow warm with happiness that he was there. She squeezed his hand before finally saying his name: "Tony!"


End file.
